"mEMOries" Part 36 feat. Chelsea of Sadder Star

10 years ago, back on the old site, we did start a series called mEMOries. It was all about asking new Emo-bands or other scene affiliates about their all time favourite (Midwest-)Emo-record. It was about nostalgia. And it was about connecting the new with the old. I had big plans for this series, wanted to collect 20 parts and then release some sort of a sampler with an XL-booklet attached, that features all of the text pieces...

...after 7 parts the series was buried, when the end of borderline fuckup 1.0 was on the horizon. I'm still in love with the idea and tried my best to start a relaunch in 2021, but it mainly was a chore. However, I got back on track somehow, with a lot of support by some lovely people. Now, here's part 36 for your reading pleasure!

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// The author // Chelsea (Sadder Star)

For a change, here are Chelsea's words: My name is Chelsea and I live in Portland, Oregon. I've been obsessed with Emo for around 20 years, starting when I was a scene tween on Livejournal. I host a weekly Emo radio show called "Sadder Star" on XRAY, which is a local community radio station in Portland. I started doing my radio show in December 2022 and since then it has fully reinvigorated my passion for this music and community. I love collecting records with unique DIY hand-made packaging, which heavily inspires the aesthetics of "Sadder Star". "Sadder Star" airs on Friday early mornings from 2-3 AM PST on the radio at 107.1/91.1 FM or online at xray.fm.

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// The record // Rainer Maria - Rainer Maria (EP)

Release: 1996 // Label: Polyvinyl Records

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Chelsea on "s/t"-EP by Rainer Maria

I really had a tough time initially choosing what to write about for this piece since this genre has impacted my life starting at a young age and there are so many albums that I love. Ultimately I have to highlight Rainer Maria’s beautiful self-titled EP from 1996. This EP was the band’s first official release after their demo, and has a much more raw sound compared to their later, more polished work.

Rainer Maria is such a special band to me and I am always in the mood to listen to their music, especially the 6 lovely tracks on their EP. I’m definitely not saying anything groundbreaking by writing about how great of a band Rainer Maria is. However, I do feel that early Rainer Maria is really genre-defining and is often taken for granted - their music has expressive dual vocal harmonies (my absolute favorite out of this flavor of emo), loud-soft dynamics, desperate yells, sweet poetic lyrics, tasteful guitar screeches, and light twinkly riffs without overdoing it. The tracks on this EP hit all the right notes for me when I am thinking of a perfect short & sweet emo record, and I feel like it is an unsung hero in the sea of 90s emo releases.

I can’t get enough of Caithlin De Marrais’ and Kaia Fischer’s cathartic overlapping vocals. Being a woman in this scene can get pretty lonely since the vast majority of people - musicians, record store diggers, label owners, show bookers, etc - are dudes. I know it’s a cliche at this point but it continues to be true. I will always favor music with femme vocalists especially in a genre where this is somewhat of a rare occurrence.

I honestly don’t remember how or when Rainer Maria came into my life but I do know by the time I saw them perform at a Philadelphia reunion show in 2016 I considered them to be “basically my favorite band,” according to an old Instagram post. I do not have a distinct memory of when I first heard this EP - I feel like it’s always just been present in my life. I know it was not in consistent rotation when I was first discovering 90s emo as a young teenager, but I always find myself coming back to it now in my early 30s. This album has truly grown on me over the years, and I honestly think it hits even harder now that I am older and have many years under my belt of listening to and researching a variety of emo. I also absolutely love Rainer Maria’s first two albums, Past Worn Searching and Look Now Look Again, however I feel like these records usually get more praise than this EP.

Lyrically, one of my favorite songs on here is “Rain Yr Hand”, which beautifully describes the innocent fluttery feeling of young love. I even put this song on the pilot episode of Sadder Star. I want to showcase the lyrics here since they are so special to me:

How important
All ages shows have been
To the identity formation for me
That night, you grasp and pull my wrist
You grasp my wrist and pull me past
Imagining what we will do alone
That night, a tree had fallen across the highway
Blocking our way home
Wet with rain, your hand on mine
A breath of hesitation
Your skin that night
You and I feel as if we
Can escape calamity
That night, you and I, seventeen
Make out

I also love that there is a track simply named “Portland”, which is where I call home. This track is a perfect accompaniment to a slow-moving rainy Portland day and really embodies the feeling of the city. “Made In Secret” is perfection - all the other tracks are also beautiful and special. Give this a listen if you have not already, or give it a re-listen if it’s been a while!

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"mEMOries" Part 1 feat. Mosey Jones
"mEMOries" Part 2 feat. Daniel Becker (Time as a Color Records, Amid the Old Wounds)
"mEMOries" Part 3 feat. Former States 
"mEMOries" Part 4 feat. Edie Quinn (Middle-Man Records, Coma Regalia)
"mEMOries" Part 5 feat. Human Hands 
"mEMOries" Part 6 feat. Alex Miles (Is this Thing on?)
"mEMOries" Part 7 feat. Boys' Club
"mEMOries" Part 8 feat. Keith Latinen (Mt. Oriander, Parting) 
"mEMOries" Part 9 feat. Villain of the War 
"mEMOries" Part 10 feat. John Szuch (Deep Elm Records)
"mEMOries" Part 11 feat. Flight Mode 
"mEMOries" Part 12 feat. Comic Sans
"mEMOries" Part 13 feat. Joe C (What Price Wonderland?, Plaids, Zochor)
"mEMOries" Part 14 feat. Mentah 
"mEMOries" Part 15 feat. Walking Race
"mEMOries" Part 16 feat. Against Realism
"mEMOries" Part 17 feat. Klaus Axmann (Goddamn Records) 
"mEMOries" Part 18 feat. Atlanta Arrival 
"mEMOries" Part 19 feat. Mary's Letter
"mEMOries" Part 20 feat. Sinking 
"mEMOries" Part 21 feat. Lakes
"mEMOries" Part 22 feat. Downhaul
"mEMOries" Part 23 feat. About Leaving
"mEMOries" Part 24 feat. The Arrival Note
"mEMOries" Part 25 feat. Letterpress 
"mEMOries" Part 26 feat. Mr. Princess
"mEMOries" Part 27 feat. Tragwag 
"mEMOries" Part 28 feat. soccer. 
"mEMOries" Part 29 feat. c.h.point (Summer 2000, Elder Jack)
"mEMOries" Part 30 feat. Time Spent Driving
"mEMOries" Part 31 feat. Bicycle Inn
"mEMOries" Part 32 feat. Achers
"mEMOries" Part 33 feat. Jonathan Lee Gonzales (Sunday Drive Records)
"mEMOries" Part 34 feat. Fortyten (Drifting with the Ice)
"mEMOries" Part 35 feat. David of RealoEmo